if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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