youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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