Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm bleeding and have questions
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
