I will die if light touches me.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
