The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
