Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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