Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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