Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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