I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
