I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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