my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Enjoy the penises
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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