i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
