im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
