i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
