I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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