I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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