Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
