her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
