Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
A+ Viking dick
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
