I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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