I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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