my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize