I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
