In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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