Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
