i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
