i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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