Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Four minutes until I can fart!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
