if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
