I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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