Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
