i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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