A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
