I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
