I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
