She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
God, I missed his penis.
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