Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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