I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
