And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The maid of honor just puked.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize