You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
