I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
