I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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