Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
