I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
