I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
