we made out on top of his cat.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
