The maid of honor just puked.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
