You're a womanizer and a bitch.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
