oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
