last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
