I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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