I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
