My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
