Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
