my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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