jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
