You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
