I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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