Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
