Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
