Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
