It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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