there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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