hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
