Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He passed out mid-signature
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
