your thong is hanging out like whoa
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
