Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
