apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
