if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
