stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
