Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
