I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
